Excerpts
1) The doctors looked on in amazement, as, similar to the birth of Jay Z, his mother was feeling no pain. The mother, Mrs. Johnson, pushed with all her might, as the child's birthing process continued.
2) "I told myself I wouldn't get my favorite jean jacket dirty today, but you just pissed off the wrong Dick."
3) As Stone Dick was examining the van, a child popped out. The color of the child is not important; he could have been an Aryan skinhead or a Somalian Pirate. This isn't a racist book.
4) "I don't mind at all. You're actually very sweet. What did you say your name was again?" "Stone Di...Johnson", replied Stone Dick. "Stone Johnson". "That is a very lovely name" remarked Veronica. "A strong name for a strong boy."
5) Snoop glanced at Stone Dick. Stone Dick returned the glance."We'll have the Ultra Haze times Sour Diesel times Magic Skunk," replied Stone Dick. Snoop's jaw dropped. "We don't have any..." said the waiter. Stone Dick's eyes lowered to a frightening level. "...Let me go downstairs." Said the waiter as Stone Dick nodded in approval.
6) The ASVAB test is made up of your scores in four critical areas -- Arithmetic Reasoning, Word, Knowledge, Paragraph Comprehension and Mathematics Knowledge. Now Stone Dick was extremely proficient in all of these areas, especially paragraph comprehension. Some even called him the Stephen Hawking of paragraph comprehension, minus the talking wheelchair.
7) You could say Stone Dick was a busy man. He had a schedule that would make most men weep, but as you know by now, Stone Dick was not most men. Guys wanted to have a beer with him, girls wanted to rip his clothes off, and turtles wanted to be his friend.
8) By now you should know that the sentence that follows any description of 'terrible people' is going to include Stone Dick, and that's exactly what happened.
9) In a normal story, the hero does not seek out the villain after he has defeated him and vanquished him to Newfoundland. However, if you haven't gotten the picture by now, the legend of Stone Dick is no ordinary story.
10) When Stone Dick arrived into Aleppo, he felt fear for the first time but was ready for the challenge ahead. Thankfully for him, his luck was about to change. As he stepped off of the Hovercraft, an almost endless line of beer cans awaited him.
11) In times of crisis, America and the world needs a superhero. It had men like Mark Wahlberg, Stone Cold, The Rock, and Dan Bilzerian. Stone Dick was bigger than that.